“Two Men, One Microphone, Zero Shame” — Trump and Cuomo Launch Bipartisan Podcast
NEW YORK — The world finally has the crossover episode it didn’t want, didn’t need, and cannot escape: Donald J. Trump and Andrew M. Cuomo have joined forces to co-host a podcast, “Me & Me: Two Men, One Microphone, Zero Shame.”
The twice-weekly show, recorded inside a retrofitted cigar lounge located three floors beneath Trump Tower, features the duo swapping stories, dodging accountability, and openly admitting their past rivalry was “just a branding stunt.”
“Let’s be honest,” Cuomo confesses in the premiere, “I never actually cared about holding Trump accountable. I was trying to land a CNN gig or a book deal — whichever paid more.”
“Same here,” Trump says, waving a hand. “I only called him ‘the worst governor in America’ because I needed to trend after getting banned from Instagram. And guess what? It worked.”
“Our cruelty and neglect resulted in death, though,” Cuomo insists, smirking. “But look at us now.” “Winning,” Trump says, finger-gunning the mic.
Despite having nothing to gain, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer offered full-throated support for the podcast.
“This is a beautiful example of bipartisanship,” Schumer said during a press conference outside a Trump Tower. “Two leaders, once divided by party lines, now united by their commitment to gaslighting us towards a hellish existence while I don't even bother to stop it.”
A reporter asked whether he had any concern about elevating two men credibly accused of sexual harassment. Schumer adjusted his glasses and said, “I believe in second-chances. And also in not checking my Bluesky notifications.”
“We’re not just podcasting,” Trump declared. “We’re educating. We’re helping regular Americans understand that none of this is our fault.”
Cuomo added, “The economy, the press, the protesters—it’s all been weaponized against strong male leaders with…layered histories.”
The live taping included segments like:
- “Cancel Culture: How We Profit from It”
- “Student Activism Is a Psy-Op”
- “Misconduct Allegations: Just Career Jealousy?”
- and the fan-favorite: “Crypto Isn’t a Scam If You Cash Out First”
In a subplot as predictable as it is pathetic, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand was caught secretly consulting for Cuomo’s PR reboot, feeding him forgiveness talking points like “everyone makes mistakes” and “leadership is messy.”
Her compensation? A modest payment in Bitcoin, sent via an app called “TrustMePay.” Unfortunately for Gillibrand, a laid off DOE employee that could still afford Wi-Fi traced the transaction on the blockchain and posted the receipts to a subreddit titled r/CryptoHypocrites.
“This is an absolute betrayal!” she yelled on MSNBC, visibly red-faced. “I was told bitcoin was anonymous!”
When informed that blockchain is literally designed to be a permanent, public ledger, she shouted, “Then what the hell was the TED Talk for?! Why did I nod so much!?”
Her staff attempted to blame the payment on Russian hackers, interns who want to get paid with real money, and “deep-state feminists who still think accountability means something.”
“He’s been through a lot—most of it public, some of it still under investigation,” Trump told reporters, draping his arm over a visibly sweating Cuomo. “But that’s what makes him tough. He’s the only man who’s harassed as many women as I have and still has the gall to run for office. That’s leadership.”
