“I Am the Virox”: RFK Jr. Speaks for the Germs
I am the Virox, I speak for the germs,
For microbes and viruses, parasites, worms.
They just want to live (well, technically not),
But who are we to say they should rot?
The children coughed loudly, the air filled with grime,
But RFK Jr. just quoted a mime.
He pointed at graphs drawn in crayon and chalk,
And sold them a book called Go Heal with a Walk.
He warned of injections and cellular spies,
But never the factories blotting the skies.
“I speak for the viruses!” he gasped with a grin,
“They’re just misunderstood! Let them back in!”
“I speak for the salmonella,” he bellowed with might,
“Each test at the market? A fascist delight!
These ‘inspections’ you cherish oppress little spores!
Let the yogurt evolve on your countertops’ floors!”
“The USDA? Just another regime—
Killing E. coli’s beautiful dream!
They swab and they scan, they scrub and they check,
And ruin a virus’s chance at success!”
“Let botulism bloom!” RFK declared,
“Why should your soup be clinically spared?
Let nature decide if you perish or thrive—
Germs have a right to infect and survive!”
RFK Jr. climbed on a crate,
Outside of a food safety boardroom debate.
“Why should we test all the chicken and greens?
Just rinse with vibes and organic routines!”
“The government’s trying to eradicate culture—
Of listeria, giardia, fungus, and vulture!
Each sneeze on a peach is a mark of the wild,
Not something to wipe with sanitizer mild!”
“I speak for the viruses,” RFK Jr. roared,
“Those noble microbes we’ve viciously ignored!
They float in the breeze with elegance and flair—
Until Pfizer comes in and poisons the air.”
“These aren’t just pathogens, they’re misunderstood sprites!
They just want to mingle on long-haul flights.
To cancel their culture, inject and erase—
Is a violation of their microbial grace!”
The crowd was confused, and one child did ask:
“But don’t they make people wear oxygen masks?”
RFK Jr. coughed, but refused to explain,
Just passed out a pamphlet about Bill Gates’ brain.
He hosted a vigil for COVID and flu,
While cuddling a Petri dish soaked in goo.
“Viruses have families, don’t make them extinct!
Each jab is a genocide, perfectly synced!”
But the people, now hacking, began to protest:
“Maybe we do need a vaccine test…”
Yet RFK Jr., with eyes full of tears,
Declared, “I’ll still fight, even through your dumb fears!”
“But what about asthma from breathing in smog?”
Asked a frog coughing gently beside a dead log.
RFK Jr. looked down with a sneer,
“That’s not Big Pharma, it’s… spiritual fear.”
“Try raw garlic, friend. Or perhaps leech therapy.
Your lungs just need alignment with quantum clarity.”
Meanwhile, behind him, a refinery roared,
And the frogs fled the creek where toxins were poured.
The trees were all choking, the rivers were black,
But RFK Jr. just smiled and reached in his pack.
“Don’t trust the experts,” he said with delight,
“Here’s a raw beet I’ve blessed in the pale moonlight.”
“I bring you great wisdom!” he said with a grin,
“The keys to good health lie deep within—
Exercise! Veggies! Water and rest!”
(The audience blinked, unimpressed.)
A woman in sweats said, “Yeah, we know.”
“My grandma’s been walking since 1930, bro.”
But RFK Jr. puffed out his chest,
“I rediscovered the wellness quest!”
He sold them a course—six grand, twelve weeks,
Where he taught them how to chew beets.
“Forget public health, forget your MD—
The answer was carrots, and me, obviously.”
