Elon Musk and RFK Jr. Debate Who’s More Oppressed by Their Own Genius
The BioLiberty Freedom Forum, held inside a decommissioned missile silo and sponsored by Neuralink and the Ghost of Joe Rogan’s Career, descended into chaos Friday when Robert F. Kennedy Jr. cornered Elon Musk during a panel titled “Neurodiversity or New World Order?”
“You’ll never truly amount to anything,” RFK Jr. rasped through a throat that sounded like it had been left in a microwave. “You’ve got autism. That’s not brilliance—it’s glitchy obsession.”
Elon, who had been silently 3D-printing a new form of sarcasm in his lap, looked up and replied without hesitation.
“I’m sorry, are you implying neurotypicals aren’t the defective model?”
RFK blinked in confusion. Elon continued, warming up now.
“Let’s look at the evidence: I’m autistic, and I made reusable rockets, bought Twitter just to see what it would be like to throw $44 billion into a blender, and invented a car that gaslights its own driver. Meanwhile, neurotypicals made Facebook and credit card late fees.”
A hush fell over the crowd, save for the soft hum of a Dogecoin-mining Roomba in the corner.
“Without vaccines,” RFK Jr. replied smugly, “we wouldn’t have autism.”
“I carry the burden of genius on the spectrum,” Elon muttered, now tweeting directly from his cerebral cortex.
“Neurotypicals fear me because I remind them they’re obsolete. #AutismIsAnUpgrade #SiliconSuffering”
“Please,” RFK Jr. scoffed. “I’ve been censored by five social networks, twelve medical journals, and my own vocal cords. That’s the price of truth. I’ve sacrificed everything—including credibility.”
RFK Jr. turned to the crowd of wellness influencers, crypto libertarians, and dads who sell colloidal silver out of their trunks. “This is exactly what I’ve been warning you about. Tech overlords using their broken minds to enslave ours.”
“Spoken like someone who thinks Wi-Fi causes Lyme disease,” Elon muttered while tweeting from his occipital lobe:
“Reminder: Neurotypicals are just NPCs with feelings. Upgrade to AutismOS™ today. #CognitiveElitism #FeelingsAreAMalfunction”
Not to be outdone, RFK Jr. filmed a grainy selfie video claiming Elon’s autism was caused by “nano mercury in electric fields” and declared he’d be launching his own social network: FreeThinkr, where every profile picture is required to be a picture of your own blood.
When asked by a moderator if they saw any common ground, both men responded at once:
“I’m the only one brave enough to speak the truth about reality.”
“I’m the only one smart enough to invent a new one.”
The event ended in flames—partially literal—when a neural-net-powered vape exploded during a group breathwork session.
As the smoke cleared, both men agreed to collaborate on a podcast called “The Mind Virus Diaries,” where they'd alternate denying each other’s humanity while selling branded water infused with the concept of freedom.
